Der Fuhrer (2017)
Not a fan of this sack of crap; I ain't gonna lie. So, I'm fightin' back with digital clay.
That and my vote, motherfucker.
To begin:
The octopus atop his head is General Cofveve. He's there because I realized (while failing to capture his hairdo) that in order to crack this imbecile's code, I'd require an alien cephalopod.
Thinking logically, I deduced that were I myself some immigrant octopus bent on the Earth’s destruction, I would likely look to attach myself to the dumbest motherfucker I could find. It would need to be someone clownish and blustery and incapable of self-reflection, so as not to ever notice my venomous tentacles dissolving his flesh.
With this moron puppet under my spell I would assume great power by proxy, alienate practically everyone everywhere and initiate World War III.
That’s how I would do it, anyway. You might approach it differently.
That’s how I would do it, anyway. You might approach it differently.
Der Fuhrer: We the People (2018)
Democracy in Flames Edition, with blood soaked Constitution.
Der Fuhrer - Front (2017)
I feel as though I owe an apology to octopuses everywhere.
Der Fuhrer - Right (2017)
His lobotomy scar is still somewhat fresh, yet on the verge of becoming infected. I had hoped the viewer might feel assaulted by the stench of rotting head cheese.
Der Fuhrer - Left (2017)
You can't see the three sixes behind his left ear, but you'll just have to trust that they're there - proving irrefutably, once and for all, that Der Fuhrer is a wart hog from hell.
Der Fuhrer - Back (2017)
A tip of the hat to Quentin Tarantino. One of several, or so it would seem.
Der Fuhrer - Character Sheet (2017)
I've taken the liberty of preparing for you a handy dandy character sheet.
Der Fuhrer - Front (Clay Render) (2017)
Love for Nazis meets raging narcissism meets incomprehensible stupidity.
Der Fuhrer - Right (Clay Render) (2017)
As handsome in profile as he is from the front.
Der Fuhrer - Left (Clay Render) (2017)
Oh, how I hate this motherfucker.
Der Fuhrer - Back (Clay Render) (2017)
The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting...
(Tarantino hat-tip #42).
Der Fuhrer - Character Sheet (Clay Render) (2017)
Without paint. Spouting some inane and hateful bullshit.
Der Fuhrer - Turnaround Video (2017)
Turn for me, you florescent simpleton. Let us see that wart covered noggin.
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize (2017)
Beautiful, vacuous mail-order whore meets subhuman absence of empathy.
Melanomia, as the Disney villain that I see when I look at her, enjoying a snack feast of bloody eyeballs plucked from Syrian refugees. If for no other reason than because she can (and you, conversely, cannot); to assert her position of social dominance - and because the specific suffering of war zone babies releases a hormone which tends to make their eyeballs extra juicy.
That's the Tiffany's logo I've cut into her forehead (once again, a la Quentin Tarantino), as a reminder not to ever feel sorry for this bitch in any way. Because make no mistake, she is nobody's prisoner; she's 100% bought and paid for. Her endless gluttony for obscene wealth and garish displays of privilege have deadened her to the suffering of those upon which that foundation is predicated.
That's the Tiffany's logo I've cut into her forehead (once again, a la Quentin Tarantino), as a reminder not to ever feel sorry for this bitch in any way. Because make no mistake, she is nobody's prisoner; she's 100% bought and paid for. Her endless gluttony for obscene wealth and garish displays of privilege have deadened her to the suffering of those upon which that foundation is predicated.
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Front (2017)
"Če ljudje nimajo zdravstvenega zavarovanja, naj jedo očesne oči."
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Right (2017)
Who's that hiding in her hair? Covfefe! Covfefe!
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Left (2017)
Mmmmmmmm, edible eyeballs! Sweetened by the suffering of Syrian babies... so you know they've gotta be good!
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Back (2017)
Is that not some straight from the salon type shit? If not for the cruel hand of fate, she might have been a QVC model or high(er) class mail-order prostitute.
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Character Sheet (2017)
Pose it up while you can, Eva Braun. Your cancerous fucking pouty face will not age well in history.
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Front (Clay Render) (2017)
Inglourious Basterds meets Tiffany & Co.
(tarantino reference #79)
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Right (Clay Render) (2017)
"I could say that I'm the most boolied person on the world."
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Left (Clay Render) (2017)
"Belieff in som teen. Even if you haff to fock old rrinkly men.
Jass do-eh."
- Anonymous internet meme
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Back (Clay Render) (2017)
"I really don't care. Do U?"
- Melanomia's jacket, while watching a group of immigrant children being stuffed feet first in a wood chipper.
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Character Sheet (Clay Render) (2017)
Breakfast at Trophy Frau's.
Melanomia: Der Fuhrer's Prize - Turnaround Video (2017)
Turn for me, you empty headed, amoral piece of jet trash.
AKA Don Don: Mugshot Edition (2018)
Behold the "brains" of the operation, as I most long to see him - embarking on his prison years (ideally at Guantanamo Bay).
I recognize that I'm not so great at capturing photorealistic likenesses, so instead I've been trying to focus completely on key personality traits. With Daddy Crime Boss it was loudmouthed rage and incomprehensible stupidity. With Melanomia, a pouty indifference to anything beyond her closet.
I recognize that I'm not so great at capturing photorealistic likenesses, so instead I've been trying to focus completely on key personality traits. With Daddy Crime Boss it was loudmouthed rage and incomprehensible stupidity. With Melanomia, a pouty indifference to anything beyond her closet.
In this case, what I'd hoped to convey was smugness and criminality, so he had to look dim, he had to look smug, and you had to be able to picture him doing most or all of the following: jerking off to Guns and Ammo, pulling the wings off flies, tweeting something that makes you want to smash his fucking face in - and single handed, through hubris and idiocy, bringing down every last one of them.
AKA Don Don: Bambi & Thumper Mega-Mix (2018)
The challenge was how to make a compelling villain out of such an insipid worm. Sure, he's smug and oily and shifty and grafty, but everyone knows that much - so the real task was in finding a hook which would actually make him interesting. Don't get me wrong; mugshotting / sending him off to Guantanamo Bay was fun, but that hook that makes a monster a monster still really wasn't there.
Hence... The Bambi and Thumper Mega-Mix:
So here he is seen, with the aid of Covfeve, displaying his latest game trophies. Likely, private security or the secret service either drugged these beloved woodland creatures or simply held them down, so that Don Don, along with his imbecile brother, could take them out execution style.
Hence... The Bambi and Thumper Mega-Mix:
So here he is seen, with the aid of Covfeve, displaying his latest game trophies. Likely, private security or the secret service either drugged these beloved woodland creatures or simply held them down, so that Don Don, along with his imbecile brother, could take them out execution style.
Note: I originally sculpted mice as well on tiny additional mounts, but too many dead animals tend to clutter the goulash, so I had to pair down to just two.
AKA Don Don: Bambi & Thumper Mega-Mix (Clay Render) (2018)
It's a hurricane of hatred up in this motherfucker.
AKA Don Don - Front (2018)
Unadorned by background props; just smugness and vain stupidity.
AKA Don Don - Right Oblique (2018)
A chin so weak that eating soup is a physical impossibility.
AKA Don Don - Left Oblique (2018)
And yet I believe it sums up his character exactly as intended.
AKA Don Don - Front (Clay Render) (2018)
Richie Rich meets Paulie Walnuts.
AKA Don Don - Right Oblique (Clay Render) (2018)
Uday Hussein meets Lloyd Christmas meets Beavis meets Richard Spencer.
AKA Don Don - Left Oblique (Clay Render) (2018)
Lump of shit meets life of privilege.
AKA Don Don (Clay Render) - Turnaround Video (2018)
Turn for me, you jelly chinned weakling. Then bend over and cough.
AKA Don Don - Turnaround Video (2018)
Give us a spin, you silver spoon shit dipshit. Then give me your shoes and your pudding.
Sarah Fuckabee Slanders (2018)
Photorealistic she ain't, but my hope is that the inner Sarah Fuckabee Slanders shines through.
No doubt I've taken some liberties (as I am wont to do), but in my ideal world a non-stop torrent of daily lies takes a toll on one's complexion. Of course, it's never fair or decent to harp on anyone's physical appearance, but all bets are off with the Hamburglar here; as they are with all of these ghouls.
Sarah Fuckabee Slanders (Clay Render) (2018)
I was shooting for sort of a sisterwife meets Leatherface meets Joseph Goebbels vibe.
Note the oath of fealty made to Satan, the face like a sack full of mucus, the signature pearls, and (it goes without saying) the perfect smokey eye.
Rudy (2019)
(motor oil edition update came later)
Rudy Giuliani, inexplicably leaking motor oil.
Specializes in wildly toxic conspiracy theories, upending democracy for personal gain, deathly halitosis and late night butt-dialing of criminal confessions to various media outlets.
Specializes in wildly toxic conspiracy theories, upending democracy for personal gain, deathly halitosis and late night butt-dialing of criminal confessions to various media outlets.
Rudy (Clay Render) (2019)
I know he's not a perfect likeness, but I'd like to think I got to the meat of him.
Russian Goon #1 - Front (2018)
Otherwise known as Igor. Dimmer than a 40-watt ultra low energy bulb.
Russian Goon #1 - Left Oblique (2019)
I'd like to imagine he's stitched himself up in a Ukranian gas station bathroom, armed with nothing more than a sewing needle, glass of Stoli and handful of oxycontin.
Russian Goon #1 - Right Oblique (2019)
I picture him dressed in a velour track suit with matching diamond pinky ring. I plan to finish the fat bastard off and incorporate him into an unrelated piece.
Russian Goon #1 (Clay Render) - Front (2019)
Primary asset: has nearly super human peripheral vision.
Primary weakness: can see nothing whatsoever that is directly in front of him.
Primary weakness: can see nothing whatsoever that is directly in front of him.
Russian Goon #1 (Clay Render) - Left Oblique (2019)
The wings, of course, are a tip of the hat to the immortal Paulie Walnuts.
Russian Goon #1 (Clay Render) - Right Oblique (2019)
Burns on cheeks and forehead are the result of a pot of hot borscht to the face.
Russian Goon #1 - Time Lapse and Turn Around Video (2019)
A little peek into my process. From nothin' to somethin' in under four minutes!
Russian Goon #2 - Front (2018)
AKA Lev.
Currently singing like a goddamn canary. God bless his snitchin' soul.
Currently singing like a goddamn canary. God bless his snitchin' soul.
Russian Goon #2 - Left Oblique (2018)
Bloodshot eyes from living in fear of the inevitable jailhouse whack.
Russian Goon #2 - Right Oblique (2018)
Also a keen devotee of the track suit & pinky ring milieu.
Russian Goon #2 (Clay Render) - Front (2018)
The initial plan was to surgically place both goons into Rudy's goiter-like neck flesh, where they'd live out their days as sentient tumors, but I lost interest along the way and moved along to something completely different.
Russian Goon #2 (Clay Render) - Left Oblique (2018)
If either one of these halfwits ever happen to end up at your door, it likely means your war relief funds are subject to delay.
Russian Goon #2 (Clay Render) - Right Oblique (2018)
"Nice country you've got here. Shame if something happened to it."
Russian Goon #2 - Time Lapse and Turn Around Video (2019)
From tiny acorn to big fat mobster in three minutes seven seconds!
